The last couple of weeks have been really stressful. It’s just seemed like one thing after another – nothing crazy terrible, but just a lot at once and almost too much to handle. It’s had me really reflecting on the past couple of years though and realizing how trials and hardships shape us for different moments in time.
About two years ago, maybe a little less, I was at my lowest point. I had broken rock bottom – I was so far past rock bottom it was unbelievable. You know the saying – “God will never give you more than you can handle”, it’s wrong. He will absolutely give you more than you can handle and that time in my life attested to it. I was broken. I was so far in depression, overwhelmed, struggling and facing some really hard trials in my life. Most mornings I didn’t even want to get out of bed, I cried all day off and on, could barely get myself up to just be a Mom and I didn’t think it was ever going to end.
Now today, as I am sitting here in the chaos of life – that honestly has never stopped – I am realizing how important that hardship in my life was. Would I want to do it over again? Absolutely not, no way in hell. In fact somedays I feel like it’s all coming back and I instantly go into panic mode and almost feel those same feelings I did then, now. BUT, oh my gosh it changed me. It taught me to let go of the things that just don’t matter. It has shown me that when I feel that instant panic, that moment of pain, that it’s time for me to let it go and turn it over to God. It’s time to just have faith and put it on the back burner. Had you told me to do that two years ago I would have laughed. There was no way I could just “let something go”, “not worry about it”. That was the entire problem, I was so focused on those things that it was taking over me, literally putting me into a depression so deep that it would take prayer after prayer, tear after tear and months, actually years to get out of.
Yet, here I am today in the midst of more hard and some stressful moments in my life (which is going to happen – it’s going to come in waves) and while, I am stressed, no doubt about that, I am also able to breathe, walk away, turn on my faith to the best of my ability and focus on the things that do matter around me. The thing is – I don’t want to look back and realize that I was so stressed out, overwhelmed with work and worried about things that just didn’t matter in the scheme of things, that it caused me to miss out on being a Mom, being with my family or doing things that bring me pure happiness.
I think that when I put Motherhood first, when I put being a wife first and focus on the things that matter and that are important in life, the rest falls into place. Is it hard to do that? Yes. Which is so silly to me because it shouldn’t be, but I think it is for all of us. It’s hard to let go of the things we can’t control in general and I think we just get so wrapped up in what needs to be fixed and what’s happening right then and there that we honestly forget the most important things right in front of us.
So if you’re going through hard, most of us are in one way or another – if you hit a bumpy spot, hold on. It’s hard to see now and most of the time we won’t understand for years or more down the road, but there’s a reason. Every trial is going to teach us something, make us stronger and bring us closer to the things that really matter.