Be content with what you do have.
As a teenager you longed to fit in, to click with the girls around you, to be popular and have all the friends. You wanted time to go faster, to be 18 and move out of the house so you could do the things you wanted to do. You fought with your parents often, disobeyed just about every rule and pushed all the limits. You did stupid things, things you would regret, but then learn from. Love was something you longed for, you wanted that fairytale love, the one you saw in movies. First you had to learn trust though, that was something you had struggled with since you were a little girl, since that moment that the man who was supposed to be your “Father” walked out. That one decision, that one action of another person destroyed you. You went to all the parties, fought non-stop with the “fairytale boyfriend” you had and pushed down all the bad emotions with reckless behavior.
Then you graduated, you took all the classes and graduated early in fact. People weren’t nice to you in high school. You stopped eating, didn’t trust yourself around food and some people called you fat. You weren’t fat, not even close, but those words got to you. Your life felt like it was spiraling out of control, you had never had control. People that were supposed to love you left, girls who were supposed to be friends were mean, you felt lost. So you turned to food, you could control that, you could control your weight by not eating and by throwing up.
It spiraled out of control, before you knew it you couldn’t stop. You weren’t happy, you were sad. Eventually after many health problems, a long road and a lot of complications you got help, you got better. You conquered that trial. That was the first moment you realized that you were strong, that you could do hard things.
Fast forward a couple of years and you met the man of your dreams, the real life fairytale. He would be your husband, things weren’t perfect–but he taught you how to trust, how to love God again, he saved you. Things were good with Mom and Dad, they were proud of you. You got married, moved away and started your journey as a young married couple. You were broke, you were both in college and had well, nothing; two old cars, a tiny basement apartment at $500/month and you could barely afford those things. You wanted time to fast forward, to be done with school, to start your life. You sped everything up, rushed three years of your life. In that three years, two of them were spent trying for a baby–you longed for a baby. Finances weren’t perfect, but you knew that’s what the plan was. But it ended up being just as much of a trial as everything else in your life. You were diagnosed with infertility. The pain you felt was indescribable, you begged for happiness, prayed often and cried on your husband’s shoulder daily.
Life was hard.
School was finished, you moved back home and this was supposed to be the big moment. Life was supposed to get easy, jobs would roll in and we would begin the next chapter. It didn’t happen, you were negative. You couldn’t get pregnant, you got angry and ultimately you were just sad, so sad. You couldn’t even focus on the positives, you were so wrapped up in everything going wrong that you went to a pretty dark place. I think God knew it was time…
You were pregnant! It FINALLY happened. That next chapter seemed to be starting, but then it happened again. You found the negatives. You brought this beautiful baby girl into the world, she was PERFECT, you found happiness, light in her. She made the bad days good and pushed you through the negativity. But finances were still hard, you would say “I just want to buy a home, can’t we just start that chapter of our lives?” You always wanted the next thing, life to go, go, go. You rushed another year.
Now here we are, real life, today. You have a baby who is closer to two than one. You have that house, the one you longed for, but guess what? Finances still aren’t perfect, the dream job still isn’t here for your husband, you don’t get to do everything you want so badly to do and you’re still focusing on the negatives. You’re rushing time, rushing to get to the next thing, rushing to find the happiness you so badly want when it’s literally sitting right in front of you.
So S T O P.
Be okay with the now, be okay with the struggles. You have the most perfect angel baby, yeah she’s a little sassy 😉 but she’s a miracle! She’s an answer to your prayers. You have a home, you know the thing you wanted so badly, the thing that you felt would bring you to the next chapter. Yeah, life isn’t fair–I get it, you’re struggling with infertility yet again, waiting for the perfect job to come to Marcus and longing to be able to be at home more with your baby. BUT, you can make the best of it. You can CHOOSE to enjoy the now. You don’t need a bigger house, you don’t need new cars, you’re lucky to be able to work and you’re lucky to have one baby! God is good, God is right here with you, he has your back, he has a plan for you. You have blessings in your life, miracles happening everyday before your eyes, you just need to realize them, focus on those. Focus on that miracle baby you have, spend every chance you can with her and be a Mom when you get to be a full time Mom. It’s about choices, it’s about finding the happiness in the now, not focusing on what you don’t have, but focusing on what you DO have.
Life is good, it’s hard, there’s trials but it’s GOOD. You are blessed and you can be happy, just make it happen.
Your current self