I love New Years mainly because I feel like it’s a start over, a fresh start. You can set new goals, be a new person, whatever you want because well, it’s a New Year. Every year I write down a long list of goals, you know the usual–lose weight, sleep more, journal every night, things that I never actually follow through with. I mean, most of them are ruined by January 3rd with my fifth piece of chocolate cake and four hours of sleep. So this year, things are different. I struggle with goals. Not so much with writing them down, in fact I am really good at writing them down, it’s the part where I actually have to follow through with them that I struggle with. I could write for days, that’s kind of my thing. It’s therapeutic, it keeps me sane. So doodling down goals and drawing pretty designs around them, that speaks to me.
This year though, things have to change. 2016 was a good one, but a rough year for me emotionally. I struggled a lot with finding happiness, with being happy. I constantly focused on the negative, I constantly worried about what people thought, compared myself to others and forgot how good I really have it. I took being a Mom for granted, I worked a LOT and by a lot I mean 60-80 hours most weeks. So as this year draws to an end something has to change. I can’t keep living like that, it’s not healthy. It’s not healthy for me, for my husband or for my sweet baby girl. So 2017, here’s what’s going to happen:
- Be okay with myself: Over the years I have felt the need to constantly change myself, to buy the nicest of nice and keep up with everyone around me. That’s not realistic. One, it’s expensive (lemme tell you). Two, it’s not healthy. Learning to love yourself, the way you are is one of the best things you can do for your well being, your happiness and for those around you. Yeah, I should probably eat healthier and you know what let’s make that a goal too, BUT I don’t need to strive to hit huge fitness goals because that’s just not me. However, eating healthy should be a priority because it’s going to keep me strong for my sweet girl, it’s going to teach her the importance of healthy eating and it’s going to overall help my emotional well being. I’m probably still going to do some materialistic things, let’s not jump too much. However, I can cut back on a lot. No one cares if my nails are constantly painted, if my jeans are brand new or if my house is top notch. Now, it might look pretty in a picture, but rather than stressing about it I can do those things for fun, when I want to, not because I feel like I HAVE to.
- Save more money: This is a huge one and I really think it’s been one that I have written down every year. It goes hand in hand with being okay with myself. I don’t have to have the nicest of nice, my car doesn’t have to be new, my house doesn’t always have to be up to date and well, when I can’t afford something that’s that, I can’t afford something. Being okay with the here and the now, the things I currently have is what makes it even more exciting when you actually save up for something and buy it responsibly. So in 2017, we are sticking with a saving plan and we are making it happen. That doesn’t mean wrenches won’t be thrown into the plan because well, if there’s anything I’ve learned in the last year–it’s just that. Things don’t always go as planned, in fact things RARELY go as planned. So I’ll roll with the punches, buckle down and we will do our best. And I’m not even going to lie, I cringed a little while writing that, but hey! Goals aren’t meant to be easy.
- Be a Mom: This is something I feel like I failed at, miserably in 2016. It wasn’t that I was a bad Mom, I felt like I did okay in that department. It’s more that I wasn’t there. I wasn’t really in the moment. I was always working, on my phone or thinking of the ten other things that had to be done that day. I wasn’t ever really in that moment, enjoying her playing, watching her develop or soaking it all in. I’ve really learned this one just this week with the holidays. I’ve learned how much I enjoy being a Mom. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it before, but the last few days have been slow, I’ve slowed down and it hit me. It hit me that I love this Mom gig, I love watching her play, putting my phone down and really having quality time with my sweet girl. That’s something I want to continue and I plan to continue. By setting time aside everyday to spend just my sweet girl and I, no phone, no distractions, just us.
- Finish a project before starting a new one: I am the Queen of starting multiple projects at once, which is fine. EXCEPT that one generally takes the back burner and doesn’t get finished for a year, while the other 4 stress me out and overwhelm me because I took on too much at once. So 2017, no more than two projects at a time. I have to finish at least one of them before starting a new one.
- Stop playing the comparison game: I think honestly this is going to be the most challenging goal for me to accomplish, especially in my line of work. It’s so hard not to look at everyone around me and compare myself, my numbers, my life, my hair, my everything with them. It’s disgusting though and it honestly keeps me up at night. It makes me question my every move, it stresses me out and causes such bad anxiety and well, it, has, to, stop. I’m not sure my game plan to accomplish this one quite yet, but when I figure it out I’ll let you know. I do know distraction is key though, the minute those nasty thoughts pop up in my head–I need to find something else to do, something to distract my mind or they’ll sit there and eat my alive.
- Love my body: This is a personal one for me. Something I have struggled with since I was a teenager. I have mega body image issues. I had a pretty bad eating disorder as a teenager (you can read about that, here), I’m currently struggling as we try to get pregnant again and well, it’s a constant everyday battle to just look in the mirror. Lately I can’t help but feel like a failure, a failure that my body doesn’t work properly, that I’m broken and I just can’t have babies easily. It’s the worst mind game I play with myself, it’s part of the reason I am sharing my journey with the world currently, why we’ve decided to open our hearts. It’s good for my healing process, it’s nice to hear I’m not alone and it’s therapeutic in reminding myself that I’m not broken, it’s just a trial I have to face and conquer in my life.
I’m going to make 2017 good dang it. Things will look up, I will focus on the good, I will be content with what I have and I will try my best to be a good person. I will follow through on these personal goals and I will strive for new business goals. Overall though, these are realistic and these are important goals. I can handle these and they’re going to be more than just scribbles on a piece of paper, they’re going to be constant, everyday, actions.