Marcus is taking over today and I couldn’t be more excited. I think a lot of time we forget about how much the husbands, baby Daddy’s and significant others in our lives care about us. We get so wrapped up in our own problems, in how they “don’t” stress out and about how much we have to do that we forget that they’re actually watching our every move. They’re witnessing our every pain and it hurts them just as badly as it hurts us. So here’s a fun little challenge, read this and then go give your lover a hug and ask them to write you a letter. They can say anything, you write one too–something to just remind each other that you do care, you’re there and this thing called parenting is actually a really good thing, though hard at times, it’s a blessing.
I’ve done many hard things in my life. One of my mentors told me almost 8 years ago: “It’s okay to try hard things.” This has been my personal motto ever since. It’s something I’ve told Jessica (yes, I call her Jessica), it’s something I’ll tell my kids, and it’s something I tell as many people as I feel need to hear it – which is quite a bit. Not sure what it is, but throughout my life I have been constantly approached by people I hardly know (or don’t know at all) who tell me their life problems. I don’t mind it; I love helping people. And like I said, I’ve been through a lot and can relate with many people. I can go into detail in a future post (if my wife ever lets me write another post).
But with all I’ve been through in life – being a dad is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Don’t get me wrong, all of these things broke and break my heart. I can’t even comprehend some of these examples of pain. But the pain that hurts me the most is the pain that goes unseen.
I’m talking about the pain from post-partum depression. I’m talking about the pain brought on by the stigmas surrounding birthing a child and the stigmas of mothering (because apparently no matter how you parent, you’re doing it wrong…at least that’s what the internet tells me). I’m talking about the pain of her missing time with her baby because of work. I’m talking about the pain from the extremely rough days in which she does everything she can not to cry…but cries anyway. I’m talking about the pain of seeing her baby get hurt. I’m talking about the pain I see in her eyes when all Blake wants is me when she is sad. I’m talking about the pain from the sleepless nights when Blake isn’t sleeping or not being able to sleep worrying about the future and if her kid will be safe or if she will hate her later in life. I’m talking about the pain of having to discipline her beautiful angel.
That…that is why being a dad is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
It’s amazing to me that a bride and even one tiny human can make such an impact in my life, that I can be happy and that I am not scared of the future no matter what path I take.
This doesn’t mean I don’t stress out about things. I stress out about everything (almost everything that my wife stresses out about, and more); I just pretend I’m not stressed because I know that with my family, it will all be okay. I stress out in my own time, away from my family. So the real answer to why I don’t stress out is that I do…I just don’t show it. And then I have the faith that everything will be okay. Then, when I look at my family, I KNOW that it will be okay, and that there is no need to stress.
Being a dad is the hardest, greatest, most rewarding thing I’ve ever done…and I would NEVER change any of it.
this article is so touching. As a FTM I’m looking forward to the joys of being a parent but also recognize there are a lot of unknowns. Thanks for sharing your experience, this was worth the read!
I so so loved your post. There aren’t many post with men expressing their feelings, and at that feelings about the pain they know that their wife or girlfriend may be going through. As a single mother and mother of three(out of four)kids father being in the military, it is so hard to stay strong on the days you want to just break down. I’ve always been known in the family as being the strong one so it feels as though no one worries about you, although I know they do. I just love this post and was more then happy to be able to read it. Thanks so much for sharing.
Absolutely!! Thank you for your nice words. 🙂