Today’s been a day of emotions. I don’t know why, I am just one big ball of happy, sad, everything. It’s just one of those days, but as I was looking down at my wrist today, I saw my little Dainty Layers Jewelry bracelet with Blake’s birthday on it and well..that was it. I lost it. Full blow, ugly face and crocodile tears. That day brings back so many emotions. It was one of the hardest, best days of my life. I remember being absolutely terrified; terrified at what my body was about to do and terrified at the fact that I was about to become a Mom–the one thing I had wanted so badly for so long. It’s a scary thought knowing that your life is about to change, no matter how exciting it might be at the same time.
I remember the doctor saying, “Jess I need one more big push, her heart rate is way too low”…and the next thing I know she was laying on my chest. She just stared at me, she didn’t make a noise, she didn’t cry, she just looked at me. I got lost in her eyes, I was in a trance, I don’t know how else to describe it. She had me, I was hers and forever would be-I would/will do anything for her. She grabbed Marcus’ thumb and I watched tears roll down his face, that was the moment I fell in love with him all over again. We both just stared, we couldn’t take our eyes off of her. She was perfect, she was ours and I was still terrified, but more in love than ever before. The rest of the day is honestly a blur. I remember them giving her, her first bath, watching her sleep and worrying about everything, but that’s about it. I worried if she was okay to be swaddled, if it was okay to hold her like I was, to lay her in the bassinet, if she was eating enough, if that noise was normal. Why wasn’t she crying? Why was she crying? You know what I’m talking about, the crazy worries–the ones I STILL today worry about.
That day was the best day of my life, being a Mom is the best gift I have EVER been given. Even during the hard days, the chaos and trying to figure out how to balance it all, she melts my world. It’s funny how just taking five minutes to play with her or hold her can make the worries, the bad day go away.
I don’t know why today’s an emotional day, but I’ll cherish this bracelet forever now. It brought back those memories, it had me in full blown tears, but happy tears. Happy tears to be a Mom, to have her and the happiness she brings me.
So Dainty Layers Jewelry, thank you for the most beautiful gift, a reminder of the best day of my life. You better believe I’ll wear this every single day now, just so I can remember why I do all that I do and where my happiness lies.
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