Yesterday when I left for LA, it was early in the morning, a 4AM flight and honestly, I was feeling defeated. I didn’t want to go, I just wanted to stay home, snuggle my baby and not ever leave. My anxiety was through the roof, as I’m not a great flyer, I was feeling mega Mom guilt and I just sat there thinking, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be leaving all the time, I never stop working, I just want to be a Mom, all I want to do is be at home on the floor, playing with my sweet girl. I cried the entire drive to the airport and honestly, threw the ultimate pity party for myself.
Why don’t I get to be happy?
Why don’t I get to just stay home all the time with my baby?
Why? Why? Why?
Well…here I am, on my flight home, you know — the one I changed to a day earlier so I could get home to my babe quicker? And I am feeling grateful, a little anxious because well — flying, but so grateful and I’ve made a realization. I can choose happy. I can meet the needs that I need to, to ensure my happiness. I am just choosing not to. I am choosing to overwork myself, to focus on the negative, to focus on the stressful and I’m forgetting about the fact that guess what? I CAN LITERALLY MAKE THE CHANGES NEEDED TO BE HAPPY.
I put that in all caps, you know…to get the point across because honestly, I think a lot of us Mamas don’t realize that. I can say no to projects, I can say no to unnecessary things, I can literally make time to be a Mom. Yeah, I work, big deal, it’s friggin’ hard don’t get me wrong, but I can make the conscious choice to set my phone down when I’m not and play with my daughter. I can put my needs first and my sanity first because if I don’t, I will literally go insane. No one wants an insane Mama or wife, trust me.
Unfortunately it’s taken me a hot minute to realize this, but my needs, my sanity, my wants — they matter. I don’t have to push myself constantly to do things that stress me out, that make me unhappy and give me anxiety. I can choose the things I feel safe in, I can make changes and I can surround myself with people who love me, who are kind to me and who support me. I can turn the music up, dance in the kitchen, push the bad thoughts out, the worries and the stresses and focus on everything that’s positive. It’s just doing it.
It’s about taking the time to write down what I am grateful for. It’s about slowing down and thoroughly enjoying the little moments, the ones that really matter because guys, they go too dang fast. It’s all about not worrying about what other people think, not comparing myself to those around me and literally minding my own business. What’s the point in not living life doing the things that make you happy? It’s too short to do things that are stressful all the time. It’s too short to worry about having the best of the best and it’s too short to focus on anything that doesn’t make you truly happy.
So for me, family time, Mom time, slowing down, saying no more and trusting that there’s a plan for me — those are things that I’m going to focus on. Those are the things that bring me my happy. What are yours?